Hello, ladies and gentlemen. Do you know what I’ve done a lot in my time?

Disappointed my parents and brought shame to my family name? You bet!

Play video games? Yes indeed! And while I don’t think I’m qualified to hit you with the top ten videogames of all time, I can smack you square in the jaw as hard as humanely possible with the top ten hottest videogame babes of all time. And by all time I mean who I can remember at this particular moment.

10. Lisa Minci from Genshin Impact. Lisa, the mysterious and alluring librarian, shares my BFF’s first name. Sadly, my BFF doesn’t think that’s as awesome as I do. Anyway, Lisa’s design is stunning, with her purple dress, thigh-high stockings, and sleek black gloves. Her outfit showcases her slender legs and curvaceous figure, while her glasses add a touch of scholarly sex appeal… scholarly sex appeal, eh? I think back to my middle school French teacher and shudder!

9. Ah, Amber, the bubbly and energetic Outrider of Mondstadt in Genshin Impact…most of you have no idea what those words mean. That’s okay! Amber is always energetic and eager to please! Her revealing, red-themed attire, complete with a daring crop top and short shorts, should leave little to the imagination…but, I have a naughty and powerful imagination! And those toned legs and a hint of midriff are enough to make me forget her stupid mission at the start of the game cost me 6 hours of my life I’ll never get back! I want em back, Amber!

8. Juri From Street Fighter, IYKYK, no more needs to be said.

But, I have a word count to hit! Juri’s body is a lethal weapon, ready to slay, lay, and play.
She’s got an eccentric hairstyle and thick thighs that take lives. Her purrrrfect figure is accentuated by her form-fitting outfit, showcasing her perky assets and those aforementioned much drooled over thighs. Oh! And that delectable derriere. Juri is a savage, dominating, seductress. Only experienced subs need apply. She leaves marks!

7.Tharja from Fire Emblem Awakening. Tharja is, creepy, obsessive, demonic, and straight up nuts. The kind of girl I can’t wait to bring home to mom! She may cast hexes but she’s blessed with a killer body that she shows off in a barely there magic gown. But beware! Like I said Tharja whips out her curses like I whip out…uhhhh nevermind! Tharja has a doppleganger named Rhajat in Fire Emblem Fates, who’s almost as hot as Tharja.

6. A2 from Nier Automata tops the list! If the list ended at 6, which it doesn’t. Because that would be a lame ass list. I’ll tell ya who’s ass ain’t lame and that’s the one belonging to this cybernetic, cyborgian (not a word), mechanical…I really have no idea what she is waifu! Like the above two hotties, Juri and Tharja, A2 has a great bod and a terrible attitude. You’re starting to see my type.

5. Juliet Starling from Lolipop Chainshaw comes in at number 5. And yes, I did get the bad ending in Lolipop Chainsaw because someone I was supposed to save ran AWAY from the blond in pigtails with giant honkers and TOWARDS the flesh eating zombie. But, I can’t be mad at Juliet! For what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.

4. Goldmary from Fire Emblem Engage. The US version of Fire Emblem Engage wasn’t anything special due to translation issues, among other things. But you’re not here for a review. You’re hear for babes! And Goldmary carries on the long tradition of waifu Fire Emblem hotties. Just ask her! Seriously, just ask her, Goldmary is happy to tell you how sexy and beautiful she is. But, this golden girl has a humble side, always apologizing to you for intimidating you with her hawtness. What a girl!

3. Rainbow Mika from Street Fighter. How could I, a true appreciator of blonds, not have any blonds on this list. Rainbow Mika corrects that grievous error! She brings the junk in the trunk even the leggy Tharja doesn’t bring. Rainbow Mika has an ass so sculpted it could crack walnuts and break the pope’s vows. I believe my strategy when fighting Mika would be %10 kicks, %90 trying to tear off that skimpy top!

2. Yuffie from Final Fantasy VII, A ninja whose stealth technique involves vanishing faster than my dignity after discovering *DOA Xtreme Beach Volleyball*. Those acrobatic moves translate perfectly to the sack; my girl here can fold herself into positions that’d make a pretzel jealous while screaming “Victory pose!’ “ And I’ll give her bonus points for training sessions where she ‘accidentally’ slices my clothes off with oversized shurikens. Nothing says romance like narrowly avoiding castration by horny ninja gf!

1. Ann Takamaki from Persona 5 can turn any man rock hard in seconds. Like the ab roller! Or ab coaster! Or the ab EMS machine! Ann’s an adventurous sort ,and I don’t mean she likes to use Ben wa balls. I mean she’ll brave the mystical unknown to bring society’s criminals to justice. All while wearing leather and heels! Thank you for protecting and serving me, Ann.

*****

BLURB:

Hell on Heels and Death by D Cup

This raw and naughty book brings together the first two Splendificent novels in one ENORMOUS package…

Not that type of enormous package!

I swear.

Splendificent 1:

California cutie Giselle Nyfall arrives at the Big Apple to attend liberal arts college, Hemera University. But, when a computer glitch lands her with four extraordinary young women as roommates Giselle’s sheltered world is blown away.

These Hotties are supernatural aristocracy, the magical one percent: an elf princess who decapitates as well as she pirouettes, the B.B. gun-toting daughter of the Tooth Fairy, a glamorous and gold-digging fox spirit with thickness in all the right places, and a vampire-succubus hybrid with a bad gambling problem and a blood-soaked family tree.

This Hot Squad uncovers a demonic curse threatening New York City’s human elite orchestrated by denizens of the Christian Hell. The only cure? The five stunners themselves!

Splendificent 2:

The Hot Squad members must battle supernatural mercenaries, contend with a portal to the underworld, avoid demonic death traps and thwart a nefarious prince hellbent on fulfilling an ancient prophecy and bringing on the death of one Squad member who happens to be his sister. All difficult assignments when they’re constantly losing their skimpy clothes and falling into the arms of hot studs and each other!

Will Giselle and her voluptuous companions come together to triumph over the forces of evil? Does the family that slays together stay together? Find out in the sexy, hilarious and politically incorrect Splendificent 2!

WARNING:

This book is absolutely not for anyone under the age of 18! You, Mister 17 years and 364 days old? Move along, son, move along.

Available from: Amazon UK | Amazon US 

*****

Excerpt:

This was going to be difficult.

This was going to be a violation of trust.

But it needed to be done.

Giselle stood in front of Stuart in his messy-even-though-he’s-only-been-there-a-couple-days-dorm, and she stood with pride.

Stuart was hammering away on Final Fantasy XIV on his gaming computer with his glowing green mouse and blue glowing keyboard.

“Stuart, I am special,” Giselle announced with a Princess Magalinda worthy dramatic voice.

“Big facts,” Stuart responded, “Look at those boobs on you! They’re mad huge! And you can make a lot of money off being special. Just don’t be like my cousin Joey Numbers. It starts with you stripping for old bitches. You get that easy side money, so you justify it. Then you start fucking those old bitches for extra cash. Cool? Then you’re the go-to guy in the old bitch pussy circle. The Steph Curry of fucking old bitches. Then their husbands offer more to watch. Then it turns into threesomes.”

“Eeep!” Giselle squealed.

Stuart continued, “Then they offer you a large sum to have gay sex, and you justify it again. Now you’re making big money. But at what cost, Giselle? At what cost?”

“At no cost because I’m not a guy, and I’m not a prostitute! Listen to me, Stu.”

She wasn’t supposed to tell anyone about this, but she was being swallowed by her secret. And if anyone could give her some outside the box thinking it was Stuart.

“I’m kinda wrapped up in something dangerous,” she said, clasping her hands.

*****

AUTHOR Bio and Links:

Dacy Alex is an author that has also taken home several screenwriting awards under a different name. Dacy loves the possibilities of the supernatural but also the inherent weirdness of the everyday world and likes to combine the two whenever possible. Dacy likes to focus his stories on new adults, which might explain why he can subsist on a steady diet of classic CW shows. The 100 and The Originals are the best ones don’t argue with me plz k thx bye. Dacy’s an avid video gamer; Dacy’s favorite games are Final Fantasy X-2 and Persona 4: Golden. I’ll be a contrarian and say I’ve never played a Dark Souls like game and I don’t wanna! Oops, I forgot I was doing this in third person

Website: https://dacyalex.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/roxy_kitten/

*****

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